Gifts from Debbie, my bereaved mom friend

          My bereaved mom friend Debbie just sent me a box of gifts for Amy's anniversary date and for her birthday.  Debbie and I connected a few weeks after Amy died.  She lost her handsome son Pete a few months earlier.  He was only 17 and a senior in high school.  We met in an MSN chatroom and every night a group of us chatted. There was always something special about Debbie, and there still is.  She can make me laugh like no one else can and she is just such a wonderful and supportive friend.  We have been together a few times in person even though we live a few hours away from each other.  I wish she lived next door!  She sent the most wonderful things for Amy.  Amy would be hugging her if she were alive.

   Debbie also sent Olivia a graduation card and money! She is so thoughtful!

  May 25th will be 18 years that my beloved daughter is gone, she was 18 years old when she died.  Now she will be gone as long as she lived.  Last night  was lying in bed thinking of all of the ways that people described a dead child.  They say they are angels(not according to the Bible), or they have passed away(how stupid, they are dead),they have passed over or passed on(to what ??) they are in Heaven(who knows that for sure), they are happy( how do they know??, My daughter was quite happy here), God needed them more(I beg to differ), she is at peace(how do they know). I hope there is a God and a heaven, but I still want Amy back every minute of every day.   All of that Heaven stuff makes sense when you haven't buried a child but when you do, nothing makes sense, there are no GOOD words to use.
     Others say that they can only imagine the pain and grief, they cannot I assure you!  Unless you put your kid in the ground, lucky for you that you don't have a clue to the pain.
      Amy was a wonderful daughter, sibling, and friend and I am grateful for the memories, but they aren't and never will be enough to balance the pain of her loss.