Despondent, Disheartened and Depressed with Parkinson's

     
   
         I don't know if depression is associated with Parkinson's but I think it is. I think I was in total denial that I had Parkinson's for the past two months.  I kept thinking I was incorrectly diagnosed and would wake up without this dreaded disease! Now I get it, I totally have it and it is not going away and it is not getting any better. I HAVE PARKINSON'S.  I have to acknowledge that I have it.  I HAVE PARKINSON'S.  I had breast cancer about 8 years ago, took one day off  from work, a Friday, for a lumpectomy,  and went to work the following Monday.  I got up an hour early and had radiation every morning before work for 6 weeks. I remember lying on the table in all my glory, breasts exposed and waiting for the doctor to come in.  The techs could not start treatment until the doctor was in the building.  And he was ALWAYS late!  The techs would get me all set up on the table an as soon as the doctor showed up, he could start the radiation. The tech was so nice, he would chat with me about my students as he moved my breast and the machine back and forth!  I declined chemo because my Oncotype was right on the border of needing chemo or going without.  I had stage one ductal carcinoma.  Somehow that really didn't bother me. Once you bury a healthy child, everything else pales in comparison.  The only interference in my daily life was that I was extremely tired and had to get up an hour early to get radiation therapy.  The radiation therapy really burned my right breast after about three weeks but I just used ointment and went on with my life as normal. Eventually I was given a prescription ointment because the burns were so bad.  I went to work everyday and still kept up a fairly regular social life. I knew I would get better or I would die, there wouldn't be an in-between.  At that point, either way would have been OK with me. After you lose a young healthy adult child, there is absolutely no fear in death.  I still have to see my oncologist once or twice a year for check-ups but that is not a big deal.
         Parkinson's is a totally different story.  It interferes in every aspect of my life! There is no end in sight and the disease progresses. I am tired all of the time, I am in pain most of the time, I have such trouble walking and my legs freeze up all of the time. My handwriting is atrocious!  All of my movements are slow and compromised. It is an effort to roll over in bed, how pitiful is that?? I need to use a walker almost everyday, I need a shower chair, and I take so long to get dressed. I go to the chiropractor at least twice a week and I see a neurologist frequently.  I also see a pain management doc and an orthopedic doc.  And I am only at the beginning of this disease.
        My blog is about being positive with Parkinson's so I will try to remember the good parts
of my current life.  I have to remember that I am still alive, I still can move, although I move slowly, and I can still drive! We are looking for a small ranch style home to move into. I want to stay in the same town so it is not easy to find what I want. When I find something online and look at the photos, I think, gee, that is too small! Even though small is what I want! Tomorrow I have an appointment with my ortho, he is going to x-ray my hip and see if I have arthritis in my hip.  If I do, I can get a shot, but not until the next appointment. My appointment is at 9:50 so I will have to get up at 8 to shower and get dressed. Later I am having lunch with my two friends from college, Mary and Joann.  I have known them since college. I was 17 years old when we met and we have stayed friends through marriages, divorces, deaths of family members, diseases, etc.  I am excited to see both of them.
          I have absolutely fabulous and supportive friends(two of my friends Jackie and Carol read my blog and have  offered to drive me anywhere I need to go), a helpful husband and wonderful daughters, good doctors, and a great sister.  Things could be so much worse!
 I started a new Facebook page.  People with Parkinson's. Please join!! Thank you to everyone who is reading my blog. 

Comments

  1. sierraMarch 27, 2019 at 10:27 PM

    Thanks so much for sharing all the parts of your experience withPD. It looks like you are hitting it head on— and I know it’s tough.?
    I’m 65, have been extensively tested by a neurologist after years of falling, with no conclusive dx. I have begun having tremors and now am recovering from a badly broken foot due to the latest fall. The neurologist is sending me to a. movement disorders specialist. After reading so much about the disease I feel PD Is what I’ve had for years.
    It’s wonderful you have so much support. I’ve got my hubby for support and he’s great.
    On another note, I lost my daughter (age45)- year and a half ago. I’m so sorry you lost yours, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. cmfMarch 28, 2019 at 6:26 AM

      Sierra, I am so so so sorry for your loss. PD is nothing compared to losing a child but it is an interference in a normal life. I think I had it for close to a year before Diagnosis. Please join my new FACEBOOK group. People with Parkinson's.

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